I love self-actualization tests; I get excited when people tell me things about myself, observations and the way that they perceive me. I have been kicking around the idea of doing a confession series, things that I can get off my chest about myself - put out there and be free of. So today, marks my first post. Forgive me father, for I am neurotic.
1. I follow Kim Kardashian on Instagram and silently curse every time she posts pictures of herself. Which is basically every 30 seconds.
2. And least once a week I try to listen to NPR, then I realize this 'S sucks.
3. I have far too many Pitbull songs on my phone.
4. I am a really good tipper, not out of generosity, but because I am bad at math and rounding up to a high amount is the easiest thing to do.
5. I can drink just about any guy under the table.
6. I check my email, Facebook and Instagram on average about 20 times an hour. Yes, I am obsessive.
7. I often go to bed without washing my face - then wake up and wonder why I have a pimple and curse my skin.
8. I hate the sound of typing, food chewing, gum smacking, anything that makes a noise - I hate. That is why I wear headphones at work all day long.
9. If we just met, I probably hate you. It takes a while for me to warm up to you - if I don't hug you goodbye, we probably should never speak again.
10. I have never spelled maintenance or exercise correctly in my life.
11. If my dogs pee in the house I pretend I didn't see it until my husband walks in the room - "oh no, what happened?" I say as he picks it up.
12. I will never forgive you for not writing me a thank you note.
13. I cheat on being vegan every once in a while with chocolate that I know has dairy in it.
14. I hate other vegetarians; I don't want to be in the same group with those hippy nut jobs.
15. I will take a nap over quality time with my husband any day of the week.
16. True crime TV lulls me to sleep - and I fall asleep on my couch most nights of the week.
17. If you say you are busy and you don't work, don't volunteer and have no kids. You are not busy, you are lazy and I hate you.
18. If you haven't responded to my text in 20 minutes I consider writing you off my list of friends and sending out a search party to locate your remains.
19. I am highly organized but lose my cheaters and cell phone at least 5 times a day. And I force my kids to look for them as I sit on my chair blind and shaking without my connectivity to the outside world.
20. I will throw away hard to clean things (such as sippy cup lids and straws) and just buy new ones, nothing is worth the hassle.
21. I have never once rinsed out a peanut butter jar, I figure they can send a man to the moon, we can figure out a way to rid my PB from the jar before recycling.
22. Whenever the workers at a coffee shop/restaurant etc start to recognize me I stop going there. I don't need that type of commitment.
23. Small talk makes me hate you. I don't care how your day is going, or to share what I am doing the rest of my day. Just bag my groceries and lets get moving.
24. If I put something in the bottom of my cart and the cashier doesn't ring it up, I ain't saying a world. I consider it Christmas for adults.
25. I probably hate you if you have a bumper sticker. If you have a Jesus fish or something about abortion - I definitely hate you.
Last night Old Man Marshall and I headed up the boring freeway to yet another concert. You all know my recent concert experience wasn't the greatest, so needless to say I was a bit worried this one would be chalked up to another fail. But alas, it was a good night. But not without some incidents.
1. Why does it take so dang long to get to Phoenix? I am over it already. And can't an artist just come to Tucson for goodness sakes? We all hate Phoenix for good reason, remember?
2. Normally a chick-filled concert would require my bestie to accompany me, not my NIN loving hubby. But my normal sidekick is gallivanting in Europe and was unable to be my partner in crime. My dude had to do.
3. A big room, no seats: OK, I am in my 30s, it isn't fun to stand up for long periods of time anymore. When I get to a concert and realize there are NO seats I think two things; 1) I must get out of here, no one singing is worth this misery 2) Can I fake an injury that would give me a chair, someone has to have some seating around here. I should really carry my old broken foot boot around with me to use in situations like this. Or a rascal, I must invest in a rascal.
4. Too dark for a selfie: We all know if I can't document something on the interwebs, frankly, what is the point of doing it?
5. Weak drinks: spare the ice honey, there is plenty of room in that cup for more Jack Daniels.
6. Seriously - we are still standing? I am beginning to sway and not from feeling the music, my dogs are barking.
7. Concert make-outs: Do people come to concerts for the tonsil-hockey? I put my arm around Derek once during the show and he jumped like he was being robbed.
8. E-cig dude: We get it, you can smoke indoors, you are so cool. Now seriously, your vapor is annoying me.
9. Kids: In recent years I have gone to more "adult" concerts, NIN, Marilyn Manson, Rob Zombie, Tool, etc, yes, bad ass. But last night was Christina Perri and there were kids there. But don't think just because you are under 5 feet tall I will give you my spot so you can "see" better. Sorry sweetie, pull that underage crap somewhere else. I once punched a girl at an Ani Difranco concert because she tried to steal my spot. I will do it again if I have to.
10. We can't stay: I have never stayed for the end of anything. I always leave before the end, get out while the going is good. And last night was no exception.
In all, it was a good concert. Albeit I had a stuffy nose and coughed the entire time due to allergies kicking my butt, but it was worth the price of admission. What wasn't worth it was driving around the s-box known as Tempe to 5 gas stations before I found one that would let me pee. Seriously people - bathrooms are a must, let us use them. I have been standing for two hours, have some sympathy!
You'll know how much I love the Tone it Up girls. Their lifestyle and workouts have changed the way I feel about my body and moving it. In the last few months I have tried to put fitness in the forefront of my mind. So today, I am sharing my thoughts on converting to a fitness lover - instead of a couch sitter.
1. It sucks. Yes, sitting on the couch always feels better. But I know after a workout I will feel good - but during, it sucks.
2. My shoes never seem right. Either too loose or too tight. Are my feet swelling? My socks suck. Seriously, annoying.
3. Am I the only one who can't pull off headbands? There aren't enough bobby pins in the world to hold this baby on.
4. Does shopping for workout clothes count as cardio? Because I tried on some tight leggings and I'm pretty sure my heart rate elevated.
5. Yoga mats can have the same feeling as a bathroom floor after a night with too much tequila.
6. No matter what time you choose to workout, your kids will need you urgently.
7. Zits, really? I'm 34 - this comes from sweating? OK, maybe it's time to back off the workouts. Can 90 seconds with my Clarisonic count as a spin session?
8. The Olympian sized pep talk required to convince yourself you aren't too tired to shower as you drive home from the gym.
9. Seriously, are my legs this weak? And how many days does "being sore" stick around for? Because I am thinking I may have a disease.
10. I hate runners, you make it all look so easy. My boobs hurt, my hamstrings feel like they are going to snap and my mouth has this excess spit I can't figure out what to do with it.
By no means am I an athlete, I may never be able to love working out - to feel the rush from a good sweat session. But damn it, I will keep pushing and maybe one day be able to not trip in front of my neighbor as I am attempting to run by him.
